Differences and similarities between canadians and americans

Here's how to tell the U.S. and Canada apart:

Canada: PM has paralyzed face. Doesn't speak English real good.
USA: President has paralyzed brain. Doesn't speak English real good.

Canada: Smoked Meat, Mae West.
USA: Pastrami, Twinkies.

Canada: Hour has 22 minutes.
USA: Hour has 60 minutes.

Canada: When going to Hollywood, pretend you are American.
USA: When going anywhere else on the planet, pretend you are Canadian.

Canada: Separatists
USA: Soon to have 2 governors who starred in "Predator"

Canada: Je me souviens.
USA: The South will rise again.

Canada: Has a lovely Regina.
USA: Plenty of Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

Canada: The conservatives are called "PC". Liberals run the country.
USA: Opposite.

Canada: Celine Dion.
USA: Barbra Streisand.

And for Americans, here is how to understand Canada:

British Columbia = California + Oregon
Alberta = Texas + Wyoming
Saskatchewan = North North Dakota
Manitoba = Minnesota + Iowa
Ontario = New York + Michigan
Quebec = New York + France
New Brunswick = Maine without the overcrowding
Nova Scotia = Massachusetts without the overcrowding
Prince Edward Island = Delaware
Newfoundland = Maine + Iceland

Jean Chretien = Bill Clinton without the charm or brains.

All other Canadian politicians = Ross Perot without the money, charm, or brains.